“Our church is really not for you.”
That was actually said to a guest by a church member. Not in jest. Not in passing. In all sincerity.
Unfortunately, it’s not the only instance of a church failing miserably to welcome someone new.
I’ve been fascinated by the topic of church guests for years. Maybe obsessed is a better word. I’ve written dozens of articles, led research projects, and gathered stories from across the country. Some of those stories are positive—uplifting, even. But others? They reveal a side of the church that’s hard to face.
In fact, one of my most-read blog posts—focused on how churches treat guests—has been viewed nearly one million times. It’s not viral because it’s funny or controversial. It’s viral because it hits a nerve.
So, I combed through hundreds of your comments and emails and compiled what I call the top ten worst guest experiences reported by real people in real churches. There’s no joy in sharing these stories, but there’s clarity. These experiences shine a spotlight on what must change if we truly want to be welcoming communities of grace.
1. “Our church is really not for you.”
A guest, visiting a church for the first time, was told by a member that she didn’t belong there. Why? Because she was Black. No one intervened. No one apologized. The church has since remained an all-white congregation, but it is declining rapidly—spiritually and numerically. The damage caused by that one comment cannot be overstated.
2. “You’re too late. You can’t come in.”
Two guests arrived late for a worship service. They were unaware that the church website had published the incorrect service time. When they finally found the right door, the ushers blocked them and told them the service had already started. They turned around and left, likely wondering why anyone would be so cold to visitors.
3. “We’re at capacity. You’ll have to leave.”
A single mom brought her four young children to church, looking for spiritual support and a safe place for her kids. But when she arrived at the children’s area, she was told the rooms were full—and that there was no room for her children. No alternatives were offered. She was sent home. Last I heard, she hasn’t returned to any church since.
4. “That’s my parking spot.”
A guest attempted to park in an available space near the main entrance. Just as she was pulling in, a longtime member drove up, honked loudly, and told her the spot was his. The confrontation left her rattled. She drove off and never came back. To this day, that church member parks in the same spot each Sunday—alone.
5. “You’d be more comfortable somewhere else.”
A woman walked into church wearing clothing that didn’t match the unspoken dress code of the congregation. She was doing the best she could with limited means, but a member pulled her aside and suggested she might fit in better elsewhere. She never entered the sanctuary. Her only experience of that church was rejection at the door.
6. “Small groups are for members only.”
During a Sunday service, the pastor announced that the church’s small groups were exclusively for members. He stated clearly—and publicly—that guests were not allowed to join. Sitting in the congregation were several first-time visitors who had hoped to find a place to connect. Instead, they were shut out before they even had a chance.
7. “You’re in her pew.”
A family of six arrived early to find a seat together. They chose an open pew and settled in. A few minutes later, a longtime member approached and bluntly told them they needed to move. That was “her” pew. The guests quietly stood, walked out of the sanctuary, and didn’t return. The pew has remained mostly empty ever since.
8. “You’re singing too loudly.”
During a worship service, a guest was fully engaged—singing with joy and enthusiasm. A member seated nearby tapped him on the shoulder mid-song and told him he was singing too loudly. The moment crushed his spirit. He never returned, and that moment became his defining memory of that church.
9. “Let me tell you how terrible the pastor is.”
A guest, visiting a church for the first time, was approached by a stranger in the lobby. The stranger—who turned out to be a church member—immediately launched into a tirade about how terrible the pastor was. The guest didn’t know the member. He didn’t know the pastor. But he knew enough to realize he didn’t want to return.
10. Locked doors and no signs.
A single mom, struggling with three kids and carrying an umbrella, showed up in the rain for a Sunday service. She tried three doors—each one locked. There were no signs to guide her. Meanwhile, longtime members were entering through the one door everyone else “just knew” about. She eventually gave up and drove away, soaked and discouraged.
Final Reflections
There is no humor in these stories. Only heartbreak.
They’re not exaggerations or rare anomalies. They’re real accounts from real guests—people who took a chance on visiting a church, only to be met with indifference, inconvenience, or outright hostility.
These stories are painful to hear, but they matter. They reveal what happens when churches turn inward, when tradition trumps mission, and when “welcome” is just a word on a sign rather than a way of life.
Let them serve as reminders. As warnings. And perhaps most importantly, as invitations—to do better, to love more deeply, and to remember that every guest is a soul seeking a place to belong.
Let me hear from you.
Posted on August 11, 2025
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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