Pope Leo XIV receives Diane Foley alongside writer Colum McCann, with whom she co-authored a book recounting the events surrounding her son’s death and the profound human and spiritual journey she undertook—a painful path of love and a desire to understand, which even led her to meet one of her son’s killers.
By Eugenio Murrali
Diane Foley is a mother.
There is no more fitting way to describe this woman and her “story of mercy.” Her son, journalist James Wright Foley—Jim—was kidnapped in northern Syria in 2012 and beheaded by ISIS two years later.
In October 2021, Diane found the strength and determination to meet one of her son’s killers, Alexanda Kotey. She told him who Jim really was: a generous and courageous young man who cared deeply about telling the stories and truths of the people he met.
In her book, American Mother, written together with renowned author Colum McCann, Diane preserves forever the portrait of her beloved son—stolen from her in the most brutal way. She also captures her own journey of grief, compassion, and understanding: a path she chose to walk without ever letting go of her humanity. It is a path that brought her face-to-face with one of those responsible for Jim’s death, that pushed her to keep asking questions—of herself and of the world—sustained by faith and the essential power of prayer.
Today, Diane brought Jim’s memory to Pope Leo XIV, who received her in a private audience—another sign of grace in these difficult years.
Q: What does meeting with Pope Leo XIV today mean to you and to your son’s story?
It was an incredible gift. As an American, we are so honored and grateful to have a Pope that was born in the United States because we need that healing and hope in the world. As an American citizen, I was deeply honored to meet him, and I will pray for him because we need his leadership for peace and hope in the world.
The Pope gives Diane Foley, Colum McCann, and the group a blessing at the Vatican (@VATICAN MEDIA)
Q: When you decided to meet with Alexanda Kotey, one of your son’s killers, you felt the need to tell him who Jim was. Who was Jim? Why did you want to tell Kotey about your son?
In the middle of war and hatred, certainly in the middle of the jihad with ISIS, I think you do not see faces. You don’t see people. You just think about your hatred. I wanted to humanize Jim because Jim was an innocent. He was a journalist. He was a non-combatant, a man of peace, very interested in telling the stories of the people of Syria. I wanted [Kotey] to realize that the people they had chosen to target were people trying to bring hope to the people of Syria—journalists and aid workers. They were not fighters. They were not people who carried guns.
I wanted him to know Jim because Jim was also a teacher. He really cared about mentoring young men who needed to find their way. Jim spent many years working with Teach for America, which is an organization that works with and teaches young men and women, often children who are very poor or who are struggling in the inner cities.
I just wanted Alexanda to know the kind of person Jim was. That in another life, they might have even been friends. I could see Jim even mentoring Alexanda when he was young because Alexanda had lost his father as a young man. I think he was searching, but looked in the wrong places.
Q: The word “compassion” is a recurring theme throughout the book you wrote with Colum McCann (American Mother). Might compassion be the key to protecting our humanity from the damage of inhumane acts?
I think, in his nonprofit “Narrative 4”, Colum McCann speaks of radical compassion and Jim aspired to be a man of moral courage. He aspired to make a difference in the world in his little way. Compassion is part of the way that we need to dare to speak to people we don’t understand or maybe do not even like.
We need to have a way to communicate so that we can have some compassion for one another. That was the miracle, in many ways, of my meeting with Alexanda. He really listened to me, and I prayed for the grace to listen to him. It was a grace. The Holy Spirit was present in a very profound way. It was a blessing. It was very sad, but it was a blessing.
Q: In your book, you say, “To know how a loved one has died is to know more about the life of that loved one.” What did you learn most about your son, and about existence in general, by going through this pain?
After Jim was killed, we were in shock. We never expected such hatred. But one of his childhood friends did a documentary about Jim, “Jim: The James Foley Story”. In that documentary, he interviewed the hostages from Europe who did return home. Through those hostages, I found out about what happened in the two years Jim was held captive and how they suffered, but also how they encouraged one another.
I was grateful because I could tell that Jim was feeling our prayers and that Jim was finding a way to pray and and grow in strength from God. I’m so grateful for that and for the good people he was put in the midst of. He was put with many other good people—journalists, aid workers with good hearts, who really wanted to do good in the world.
Q: You are a woman of faith. How important were prayers in helping you cope with your son’s imprisonment and subsequent death?
Fundamental. I’m so grateful. In many ways, God prepared me throughout my life, because I was given the gift of faith as a young teenager. My faith in a merciful and loving God has always been very important to me. But it was a gift, just a gift. I knew that God was present.
Many, many angels were sent to surround us after Jim was killed. Many angels, many blessings. Look at the blessing of today to meet His Holiness. God has been very good to me and has been sustaining me, along with the Blessed Mother, throughout it all. It’s held me together.
Q: You started a foundation in Jim’s honor. What are its goals, and what has it achieved?
Within three weeks of Jim’s murder, we started the James W. Foley Legacy Foundation. The intent was to inspire the moral courage to advocate for the return of our US nationals when they’re taken captive or wrongfully arrested abroad and to promote general safety. Jim and the other Americans and British [hostages] were killed because our government chose not to even try. Our government did not even negotiate with the captors.
I felt that was immoral. I was angry at our government. I felt that we needed to challenge our government to do their duty to protect their own citizens, innocent citizens, when they’ve been taken captive abroad simply because they are Americans, not because they’ve committed any crime.
Thanks be to God and with the help of so many good people, more than 170 of our citizens have returned home to freedom from captivity abroad. Now journalists are more aware of the need to keep safe and to protect themselves because journalists are targeted today. I spend a lot of my days trying to inspire other people to use their gifts for good, to aspire to have moral courage, and to share their gifts with the world in a good way.
Much has happened in [the] eleven years [since Jim’s death] but most of it is from God. When bad things happen, that’s often when good people step up and make good things happen. So, I’m very grateful to God.
Q: How did Pope Francis’ expression of closeness affect you following your son’s death?
His call was a profound gift. He called within a couple of days of Jim’s murder, before anyone from our government called. It was very poignant because Pope Francis’ nephew had recently been in a car accident. He himself was experiencing his own grief, but he chose to reach out to us.
We were so humbled and honored by that. My brother-in-law, who is from Madrid was present, so he was able to speak to him in Spanish. We all understand Spanish, but I’m not very fluent. But it was a gift, and Pope Francis has been a gift for me. I’ve listened to so many of his audiobooks. He was a very holy Pope.
Q: Your book highlights how getting to know ‘the other,’ engaging in dialogue, and fostering interaction can lead to meaningful change. Do you believe this approach can be applied more broadly in today’s complex historical moment?
Absolutely. I’m here for the meeting in Rimini, which I was so impressed with as they’re trying to bring people together of all different countries and from all over the world to dialogue, to pray, to be inspired by the Holy Spirit, and to learn and discuss together.
We need to do more of that because what’s happening in Gaza now is inhumane. It’s so tragic what is going on in Ukraine and Sudan and so many parts of the world. That is partly why I’m so grateful for the leadership of Pope Leo XIV and his call for peace.
There were many beautiful exhibits at Rimini, but one of them was about the 19 martyrs in Algeria, which was very moving. Cardinal Jean Paul Vesco was present and spoke about that. There was also a beautiful one about prophecies for peace, which was very beautiful because a lot of it was done by young children and teenagers, who were challenged to go find peacemakers in places of conflict like Gaza, South Africa, Ukraine. They had to find works of peace in the midst of conflict. It was very, very powerful because those are the heroes. Those are the people who are planting the seeds for peace. It was an honour to be there.
Q: Salman Rushdie (an Indian-born British and American novelist) described your book as “A spectacular tale of violence and forgiveness.” Do you agree with this definition? What does forgiveness mean to you?
Forgiveness must entail mercy. Jesus’ mercy. The mercy of God. There can be no forgiveness without mercy. Justice is needed. But the biggest thing is mercy. We need to have mercy for one another. Part of forgiving one another is to understand that we’re all flawed. We’re all sinners, and we all need God’s mercy. So to me, it’s a story of mercy.
This transcript has been edited for length and style.
