Acknowledge Paradox, Act Practically
Because God controls all things, he can ultimately work all things for our good, even those things that others mean for evil. Theologians speak of his active will and his passive will. He works actively through our obedience, but he can also work passively through disobedience, as in the case of Joseph’s brothers. Joseph recognized that God had used what they intended for evil to bring about his good purposes.
Though God controls all things, those who do evil are still accountable for their sinful choices. How can this be? How can we be responsible for our choices if God is sovereign? Divine sovereignty and human responsibility are parallel truths we must hold simultaneously. The Bible consistently affirms God’s total sovereignty and man’s free will. The same Jesus who said, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them,” says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (John 6:44; Matt. 11:28 NIV). God draws us to salvation. We respond to his call from our own free will. If we humans do not have free will, then God is unjust to punish sin. Indeed, he is responsible for it.
How our free will and God’s sovereignty can coexist is a mystery. Any time the human and the divine intersect, paradox will appear and our human limits will obscure how two seemingly contradicting points can both be true. It is good for us to wrestle with paradox, but if we allow it to draw our eyes away from a question of more pressing concern, we miss the point. That question is this: How committed are you to the myth of your own sovereignty?
To arrive at an honest answer, consider four areas in which we strive for control.
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1. Controlling Our Bodies
How we relate to our bodies reveals much about our need for control. Caring for our bodies is a stewardship issue. They are not our own. They have been given to us to maintain in healthy ways. But when we cross the line into unhealthy control, we move from stewardship to idolatry. This can take the form of obsessive concern with diet or exercise, eating disorders, excessive fear about illness or germs, hypochondria, fear of aging, or just garden variety vanity.
How can we know when we’ve crossed a line from stewarding to controlling? Certainly by the impact on our time, but also by the impact on our words and our wallets. When we desire unhealthy control over our bodies, we talk about them constantly. Our methods, expectations, and results find their way into our conversations and our social media posts. We rationalize the financial cost for whatever supplement, medical procedure, antiaging cream, smoothie maker, or gym membership is necessary to achieve our body goal.
Ultimately, our need for control impacts our relationships negatively. We pass judgment on those who don’t follow our strict regimens, looking down on them as undisciplined about their health or careless about their appearance. And we prioritize our discretionary time and resources for ourselves instead of for others.
2. Controlling Our Possessions
Like our bodies, our possessions are ours to steward, not to do with as we please. It’s not wrong to have stuff, it’s just wrong to worship stuff. When we cross the line into unhealthy control, we develop obsessive concern about acquiring, multiplying, or maintaining what we have. This may manifest as hoarding, compulsive purchasing, fear of using what we own because it might get damaged or suffer wear, compulsively maintaining property, micromanaging finances, or the inability to loan or give items to others.
Does a scratch on your car send you into orbit? Is the fact that your car is meticulously maintained a source of pride for you? How we react to damage or loss of possessions reveals whether we have control issues in this area. Does amassing debt to maintain a certain lifestyle sound rational to you? Something may be amiss with how you view your stuff.
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3. Controlling Our Relationships
Every human relationship we have is ordained by God, an opportunity to show preferential love to another person made in his image. Relationship conflict is always about control. A desire for unhealthy control in a relationship can manifest as intimidation or manipulation (verbal, emotional, physical), the hallmarks of abuse. We know what the extremes look like—we see them on the evening news, or we have the sorrow to know them firsthand. Most of us don’t fit the category of “abuser,” but that doesn’t mean we aren’t controllers on some level.
Lesser forms of control reveal themselves as an inability to admit we are wrong, a need to have the final word, a need to have the upper hand, a “my way or the highway” attitude. Whether we behave this way toward a child, a spouse, a friend, or a coworker, we are exercising control in an unhealthy way.
Nowhere is it harder not to exercise controlling behaviors than with those we have legitimate authority over. Parents, church leaders, and business leaders who love control too much will slip into an authoritarian style of leadership, one that makes rules more important than relationship. Being in authority means setting boundaries that preserve relationship. It does not mean setting boundaries that preclude relationship.
4. Controlling Our Circumstances or Environments
Life is uncertain. Though God knows the future, we do not, and most of us don’t deal well with ambiguity. Those who want to control circumstances attempt to account for every contingency. They habitually overplan, turning the simplest tasks into major undertakings. The less control they perceive themselves to have, the more controlling behavior they demonstrate. They backseat drive, offer unsolicited advice or “help” with projects or situations that don’t involve them directly, practice slavish punctuality even when no one else is waiting for them, and fight an overpowering desire to be the person in charge of the TV remote. They know the best way to load the dishwasher, surreptitiously rearranging it when they think no one is watching.
How committed are you to the myth of your own sovereignty?
Toppling the Myth of Human Sovereignty
When we reach for control, we announce our belief that we, rather than an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful, infinitely good God, should govern the universe. Our control issues grow out of speculating about the “what if.” Our inability to answer the “what if” definitively causes anxiety—anxiety about the likelihood that our kingdom shall come and our will shall be done. My husband always soothes my anxiety by pointing me back to an important question: What’s your worst-case scenario? Speaking aloud my fears about circumstances, relationships, possessions, or my body helps lay them to rest. Or more precisely, it helps me lay them at the feet of my Father in heaven. It is a form of confession, letting my mouth speak out of the overflow of my heart, giving voice to my nagging fears and relinquishing my need for control. It is an acknowledgment that his is the kingdom.
Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all. (1 Chron. 29:11–12)
So said King David to the King of heaven. So say I.
Over what do I have control? A few very important things. My thoughts, which I can take captive by the power of the Holy Spirit. And if I can control my thoughts, it follows that I can control my attitude—toward my body, my stuff, my relationships, and my circumstances. If my thoughts and attitude are in control, my words will be as well, and my actions. The redeemed obediently submit thought, word, and deed to their heavenly Ruler, trusting uncertainty to him who “works all things according to the counsel of his will” (Eph 1:11). They step away from the throne, acknowledging that they are utterly unqualified to fill it.
How long will you strive with your Maker? How long will you seek the highest place? Jesus Christ went to the lowest place so that you and I might have fellowship with God. Therefore, God has exalted him. Therefore, humble yourself. What is more beautifully humbling than relinquishing control?
This article is adapted from None Like Him: 10 Ways God Is Different from Us (and Why That’s a Good Thing) by Jen Wilkin.
